Has your relationship taken a turn for the worse and are now thinking about relationship counseling? Its perfectly natural to wonder if you need counseling because its supposed to help improve your situation. Romantic relationships are not the only types of relationships that need assistance. You may need relationship counseling to repair problems in your romantic life, with family and friends, co-workers and spiritual connections.
What is Marriage Counseling?
Marriage counseling a help repair your marriage if you are headed for divorce. If you or your spouse have been throwing around the D word, its important to consider marriage counseling.
Before deciding on whether marriage counseling is right for you, its important to meet with a marriage counselor first. A marriage counselor will often want to know a lot about you and the reasons why you want to receive marriage counseling. It’s important for you to see the marriage counselor as a professional and specialist at the same time.
It’s important to tell the counselor what your goals are for your marriage and why you think counseling will help. Next, the counselor will most always set up a time in which you and your spouse can come in for a session.
Counseling sessions often last between 30 minutes to 60 minutes. During the marriage counseling session, the therapist will often ask you a series of questions and see how you respond to them. The object of the counselor is to observe how you and your spouse speak to one another in front of them.
The counselor will often point out mistakes that you are making and errors that your spouse is doing as well. You will often be asked to complete an exercise together at home so that you can learn how to talk to one another properly. The purpose of these exercises is to bring the two of you closer together and to show you that your relationship can possibly be saved.
Somewhere along the line, you have lost your connection with your spouse. Often, work, money and play get in the way of a couple’s success. When this happens, a red light goes off and one person in the relationship often feels that they are being pushed aside. Some marriage counselors say that this is the point of a relationship that either makes you or breaks you.
If you allow the stresses of life to get to you, then you will continue to have marriage troubles. It’s best to try to work on tackling your life problems as a couple.
Today, couples are often living separate lives even though they are married. Often, the husband and wife have their own bank accounts, cars, home/s and so forth. The idea of sharing and togetherness is often lost. When this happen, you often get used to saying that its mind and not ours. The first step in building any relationship back is communication and trust.
If trust and communication is lost in your relationship, you must get it to open again. This is often not an easy task and it requires the special skills of a counselor to get your there. Keep in mind that relationships do build over time.
Marriage Counseling Near Me
Finding a marriage counselor near your home is important. Yes, there are websites like Prestoexperts.com that you can hire an online therapist to help you. However, you may be looking for someone in your local area. In order to find the right marriage counselor near your home, simply Google, “Marriage counselor near me”. Google maps should give you a list of local therapists.
You can also find local marriage counselors on review websites like Yelp. Every state in the USA has marriage counselors available. You can also try calling a local university to see if they have a list of the top counselors in your area.
What Will You Get Out of Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy will allow you to sit down and just talk with your spouse. Everyday, our society is bombarded with television, the internet, cell phones, advertisements and distractions that have never happened before in history. Today, its almost impossible to get someone’s undivided attention. However, couples therapy allows you to just talk with your spouse in front of a counselor.
Couple therapy is often scary at first. You may have feelings that its not going to help you. You may feel that the therapist does not have a good understanding of your situation. You may even feel that they are taking the side of your spouse.
It’s important to learn how to listen to the therapist. Therapists are not out to take sides. Instead, they are trying to let you see your own errors and those of your spouse. Give the counseling some time. On certain weeks, the therapist may be pointing out that you are doing something wrong. Other weeks your spouse may get a talking to by the therapist.
We often don’t want to hear anything negative about ourselves. We often want to believe that it’s the other persons fault as to why things have gotten so bad. However, couples’ therapy is meant to point out the mistakes that are destroying your relationship. You may find that your spouse prefers working when they get home from work for an hour before spending time with you. You may have to respect your spouses’ decisions in order to get along better. Remember, you must work as a team. There are some things that he/she will do that you will not like. However, know that the two of you also have an inner life that wants to grow.
You need to learn how to respect one another’s boundaries and learn to listen to what is going to make you feel happiest. Most men and women today don’t realize that they are often their own worst enemy. They often want to demand that their spouse does something instead of giving them the freedom to choose.
Your couple’s therapist is going to point out what you need to do in order to change your circumstances. It will be up to you in order to make a full turn around.
What is Pre-Marriage Counseling?
Pre marriage counseling is for couples that are having problems before they say, “I do.” You may feel that you both love one another. However, you sense that something is missing. You may feel that the two of you argue a lot and you wonder if that will change when you get married. The secret answer to this is that you will not get along better if you get married with a problem. In fact, it will only get worse.
Problems only get better when we do something to change the problem. Often, a pre marriage counselor will sit you down and ask you what the problems are in the relationship. They will often advise you that if you continue to go down the road that you are going, the two of you will not have a good marriage.
The pre marriage counselor will often give the two of you tips on how to get along. You will have to work on who speaks first and not yelling when you are angry.
Anger will often make you feel that you are trying to get your point across. However, anger is never pleasant for your boyfriend/girlfriend to deal with. You are going to have to learn how to deal with anger better if you are going to make your relationship work.
For starters, never yell at your partner. Yelling only makes the other person fee that they are being called stupid. It makes them feel that you don’t think that they are listening. They also feel that you are trying to control their every move. This only makes your partner feel inadequate as a person. You don’t want to create a relationship based on painful memories. It’s important to let your partner “breath” a bit. Let them see that they need to change certain things about themselves that make you feel unhappy.
Mostly, focus on the love that the two of you have for one another. Love doesn’t come every day. Most love coaches say that we usually have between 1 and 5 soulmates that come to us in a lifetime. If you believe that you have met your soulmate, you need to make the relationship work.
The pre marriage counselor will explain how marriage is going to be like. They will tell you that once you are married, you will be spending every day with one another. They will often ask you how much space you need daily. Often in relationships, one person may need more space then the other. One person might feel that they need to have space so that they can have more time to spend with family and friends. If one of you is a loner and only wants to be with your boyfriend/girlfriend, the relationship will have a problem. You need to both establish what is going to work for the two of you. This is important to establish before saying, “I do”. The reason for this is because your problem will only get worse if you don’t address important boundaries right now.
Affordable Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling is often self-pay or through medical insurance. Not every insurance company will pay for counseling. A 60-minute marriage counseling session can cost around $100.00 to $500.00. For most people, this is expensive and not easy to pay for. It’s important to note that you may not need to see a counselor more than once a week. Many counselors will only see their clients once a week.
Counseling is something that you will have to save up for. You may even have to dig into your savings. You can also use your credit card to pay for most counseling sessions. Small personal loans are often used as well.
If you don’t want to use any of your own money, you can often find free marriage counseling sessions in churches. Almost all places of worship offer some type of free counseling to its members. You might find that your parish priest will counselor you for free or for under $50.00 per hour.
When to Go for Breakup Counselling
There may come a point in your relationship when you feel that the relationship cannot be saved. Your counselor may have told you that its better for the two of you to part ways because the two of you are completely different people and don’t have good compatibility. What happens when you love someone, and you can no longer be together?
Often, you can make better friends with someone than lovers. You may be advised by the counselor to go your own separate way. This is important advice because it can save you years of misery.
Often, your breakup counselor will tell you that they noticed that you and the person that you are with are not right for one another. You don’t get along and neither one of you wants to change. To avoid fighting and ruining the lives of your children, it is best to break away from one another and be with someone new.
What is Dating Counseling?
Today, couples often see no point in getting married, but want to stay together for life. They will often run into trouble as much as married couples do. Dating counseling is needed when the two of you want to stay together but fight a lot. One of you is not seeing the other persons needs. Your partner seems to think that you are not meeting their needs.
Dating counseling is great for people that want to keep their relationship moving along, but don’t know how to communicate properly. If you want to have your dating relationship work out, it’s important to communicate to your partner regularly.
What is Intensive Couples Therapy?
When you are ready to take counseling to the next level, intensive couples’ therapy will help you. Intensive couple’s therapy will often make you feel that you are ready to go to the next level with digging deeper into why your relationship is having trouble. The counselor may get into your past and find out if you have ever been raped or molested. They may ask the same towards your partner. This is so that the therapist the deep-rooted issues that may still reside in you. You can’t have a relationship with someone else until you have had one with yourself.
Intensive therapy brings up extremely hurtful feelings within you and your lover. The both of you may have issues that you need to work on. The two of you may ask yourselves if you can dig that deep.
Many times, women find that their husband/boyfriend can’t communicate with them effectively or be romantic with them because they were molested as a child. They may have been beaten or told that they were never good enough. These types of issues will often come up in intensive therapy. The therapist will ask you hard questions that you will most often be afraid to answer.
Intensive couples therapy often lasts a lot longer than a few weeks. It can often take years. This is mainly because there are many deep-rooted issues within you that must be addressed at some point. You may not even know that you were harboring past hurts. However, you will come to find that those hurts come up subconsciously when you are not getting along with your lover.
Faith Based Marriage Counseling
If you consider yourself to be religious, a faith-based marriage counselor may be the best option for you. The reason for this is because the counselor will understand your religion. Often, problems within a couple’s relationship are due to faith issues. Perhaps you have a controlling husband that is forced to marry you. His family says that its you that he must be with forever. You may be in the same situation. The faith-based counselor will try to make the relationship work because it must. A counselor that is not faith based may tell the two of you to split up because you don’t even like one another. However, the faith-based counselor will tell you to stay together because your religion says that you must. You will often feel more comfort with a counselor that understands your situation a lot better than one that doesn’t understand your situation at all.
Many faith-based counselors will pray before and after your counseling session. This allows you to feel unity with the person that you are having a problem with. Its important for you to decide on which type of counseling is going to work with your relationship.
Christian Relationship Counseling
Christian relationship counseling is often advisable for those that are faith based. If you are a born-again Christian, a counselor that reads the Holy Bible will often be able to direct you best. You will often find that they are easier to talk with because they understand your beliefs a lot better.
You will often receive guidance from the Holy Bible. Most Christian relationship counselors will share scripture verses with you during your counseling session in order to show you areas in which you need to change. It’s important for you to take your relationship to God when you are hurting. God is always there for you and he loves you.
Christian counselors often believe that marriage is for life and that you should never divorce. Secular and other religious counselors may encourage divorce if the two of you are opposite. There are certain decisions that are not accepted in certain religious circles. Christian counselors best suited to advise you on how to handle your relationship with God and your partner.
Couple Therapy for Cheaters
If you found out that your lover has been cheating on you, you’re probably wondering if you should stay together or separate. Before making this critical decision, its important to see a couple’s therapist. A couple therapist for cheaters will often talk to your lover about their cheating habits. If you are the cheater, they will talk to you as well. They will try to get to the root of why one of you is cheating and what you are not getting from the relationship.
When your partner reaches outside of your relationship for an emotional and physical connection with someone else, there is a reason. The therapist will often ask your partner as series of questions to find out why they are cheating in the relationship. If you or your lover are seeing the therapist, it’s because you want to hold onto the relationship, but don’t know how to correct a cheating habit.
The therapist will often ask the person cheating in the relationship if they can be with only one person for the rest of their lives. Many men and women today find that its to hard to be with only one person in a relationship. They may often desire multiple lovers throughout the course of their life. They may want to be the only one cheating in the relationship as well and their partner must remain faithful.
The therapist will often try to get the cheater to think about what they truly want in their lives. If the person cheating can’t remain faithful forever, the counseling may encourage them to leave the relationship because its only going to upset the person that they are with. It’s important for the person cheating in the relationship to see that they are not a bad person for feeling this way. Obviously, they are not getting what they need in the relationship and therefore, its important to get to the bottom of what they want. By doing this, it helps your relationship to either get stronger together or to encourage the two of you to break apart. It’s important to not feel unhappy every single day in a relationship that is not supposed to work in the first place.