Like most people, you may find yourself thinking on past relationships. Perhaps you’re wondering what could have been. Maybe you’re thinking about the relationships that went south, or those that could have been something great. You might even find yourself missing one specific person. What do you do when you can’t stop thinking about someone you used to love? Is it wrong to be missing someone you once loved?
Find Out Why
You may need to dig a little deeper into the “why” behind missing someone you used to love. Is there something going on in your life or in the world currently to make you more emotional or nostalgic? When things are tough, we tend to look for comfort.
This looks different for everyone, but it could lead some to reach out to comforting people. Unfortunately, that may not always be a good thing. Are you really missing someone or are you missing the feelings or stability you had at a different point in time?
You may also need to ask yourself the question, “Am I missing someone or am I scared to move forward in my life?” Change is hard, no matter the kind. However, in order to grow and change as people it’s important not to get stuck in the past because we’re scared to move forward. Don’t let the fear of change or unknown keep you from moving forward in a positive way.
Sometimes we miss people for the very best reason: we’re looking back fondly on something that happened in our lives that made us who we are today. When enough time has passed you may notice a missing that is less sad and more fond.
You’re enjoying the memories of your shared experiences. You’re able to see the good that came from the relationship and your time spent together. Savor those fond memories and find ways to recreate those positive feelings with those who are still a part of your life. It’s never a bad thing to look back on a situation with a smile.
How to Embrace It
It may not always be a bad thing to miss someone. You may find that you’re looking at back at your memories of that person with more perspective than you had when they were with you. Maybe you realize the things you thought were annoying about them weren’t really so bad. You may also be taking the time to think about the things that you did that drove them a little crazy.
Missing someone can be an opportunity for us to look at our choices and what led us to no longer be with the person we had those feelings for. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be able to get back together, but it may help you have a healthier relationship the next time around. But hey, who knows? You may find that you can work on the parts of the relationship that were broken and mend them.
An important thing to remember is that your feelings are valid. It’s okay for you to miss someone, even if you feel like you shouldn’t. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, or stupid, or that there’s something wrong with you. It does mean you’re human and have emotions just like everyone else.
Try to process what happened, the situation and events that may have led to you no longer being with that person. Don’t deny yourself a cry or talking about the experiences, either.
When Do You Need To Let Go?
Maybe this someone you’re missing is someone you shouldn’t. How do you let them go? Although it may be tempting to do a little social media stalking and see what they’re up to these days, you should stop yourself before you start.
It’s easy to get caught up in that vicious cycle of looking up someone, seeing them happy without you, and feeling miserable. The easiest way to prevent that additional heartache is to never open yourself up to it in the first place. This may mean blocking them on social media for a period of time, or even taking yourself off social media for a little while.
When you’re missing someone you love, or used to love, you don’t always think rationally. You may need someone to hold you accountable. Consider enlisting a friend to help you stay away from social media for a little while. Give them your password, or have them temporarily change it. Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself away.
You may also find yourself going through old mementos when you’re missing someone. Especially if this relationship happened a while ago, it might be time to get rid of the items that connect you to them.
Toss out old ticket stubs, donate old clothes, and get rid of pictures of you together. The fewer physical reminders you have of them, the better. This may be difficult if you are still in contact with this person, but do your best.
If you are still in contact with that person, make sure you don’t try to force interactions between the two of you. This time is hard enough without reopening the wound over and over each day.
It will be helpful for both of you to have some physical space from each other if you can. When you’re missing someone it’s so tempting to try and be near them more often, but that may not always be for the best. Time spent apart may be exactly what you both need to heal what is broken.
How to Find Positive Ways To Deal With It
Bottling up your emotions or trying to pretend you don’t miss someone isn’t going to make thing any easier, either. It’s natural for us to miss people, no matter if we have been apart from them for a short time or a longer period. Suppressing your feelings won’t solve the problem, in fact it may make it worse. Instead, choose healthy ways to handle your emotions.
Consider keeping a journal of what you’re feeling. There is a lot of evidence that writing what you’re thinking and feeling can help you process your own emotions, as well as find a healthy outlet for them. You can be raw and honest and then only person who ever needs to see that is you. You may also choose to share your written thoughts with others when you’re ready, which can be therapeutic in its own way.
Finding hobbies or physical activities that keep your mind and your body engaged is another great way to deal with emotions. With too much time on our hands we tend to sit and overthink.
You can channel that negative energy into something positive by taking up a new sport or volunteering with a charity that means a lot to you. Taking time for yourself and others may be exactly what you need to move forward in an emotionally healthy way.
Above all, be sure to ask for help when you need it. Isolating yourself and your feelings won’t help you move forward. It may feel good to drown your sorrows or hide away from the world for a while, but that will only lead to bigger problems down the road. Keep it positive!
Why You Should Leave The Door Open?
Not all relationships need to end with heartache or hurt. Maybe your romantic relationship didn’t pan out, but that doesn’t mean that down the road you can’t be friends. Give yourself time and space to heal first, but don’t burn any bridges.
You wouldn’t not be the first ex-couple in history to end up becoming friends after you dated. If you’re missing that person, it may mean that your connection was strong enough that it may still be there, but may need time to heal. Leave the door open for a future relationship, no matter what form it may take.
Be Patient With Yourself
You may be beating yourself up because you feel like you shouldn’t still be missing someone at this point. Maybe your relationship has been over for years, or maybe how it ended makes you feel like you shouldn’t be feeling what you’re feeling.
Remember, your emotions are valid. Give yourself time to process them and never compare your healing journey to anyone else’s. It may take you more time than someone you know to get over a lost love (or at least, that’s how it appears on the outside). That’s okay. There’s no rule for how long you should miss someone you used to love. Give yourself grace and move at your own pace, no one else’s.
Why You’re Not Alone
No matter who you’re missing, remember that you’re not alone. No matter how lonely it may feel to miss someone, it’s just proof that you are human. Just like so many before you and so many more to come after you, you’ve fallen in love and then experienced the heartache of missing someone when it’s over. Cherish the memories you’ve made with that person. And remember, just because you’ve loved once doesn’t mean you can’t love again.
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