A lot of people think that when they enter a relationship, or when they find someone, that all their problems would be solved and everything would fall into place. Because of how the media portrays romance and relationships, people think that having a partner completes you.
People think that finding a partner counters all the messy and dark parts of your life that you have yet to fix. However, this isn’t the case at all. The opposite is normally true.
You can’t enter a relationship until you have the security in your self-esteem and other significant aspects. You can’t enter a relationship with the expectation that they’re going to fix and complete your life. If there are parts of your life that are broken and need mending, entering a relationship isn’t going to fix any of that. In fact, it might even make things worse.
If you have certain issues and you enter a relationship- especially a committed and serious one- what are the odds that your life will become better instead of worse?
If you don’t have the stability to fix the issues in your own life, what makes you think that a relationship will fix those for you? Relationships are the most beautiful and extraordinary thing you’re going to feel in this world, without a doubt, but you need to be in a certain state of maturity and stability before you enter one.
For some people, they believe they need to have the financial stability before committing to a long-term relationship. For most people, they believe they need to be emotionally and mentally stable to enter a relationship and find love.
People often bring their own personal baggage into the relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with this. We all need someone to help us carry our baggage, especially when it gets a little too heavy to be carrying alone.
What’s wrong is when we put all this unnecessary as the responsibility on the other person, when it’s not their responsibility to fix, change or save you, ever. People aren’t our responsibility to make better, and we’re the only ones responsible to make ourselves better. If you’re broken and have some unfixed issues, you enter a relationship and dump all this burden to the other person- which is unfair and toxic.
This is normally what turns a relationship into something co-dependent and attached. This is why when entering a relationship, we need to make ourselves better first before taking in a much heavier responsibility.
In a relationship, you not only take care of yourself, but for the other person as well. If you can’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of someone else? Relationships are often romanticized, and people often forget the dark and messy parts that a love can give you. Entering a relationship isn’t just about the butterflies in your stomach and the moments where you feel on top of the world.
It isn’t just moments where everything is beautiful, extraordinary and remarkable. Relationships are more than just the beautiful parts of love, but they’re also comprised of the parts that aren’t so lovable. They’re also comprised of moments that are flawed, imperfect and dark.
They’re also the arguments you have and conflict. They’re also moments when you don’t meet half way and moments where they frustrate you. Nobody ever implied that love was supposed to be perfect, but along the good, the bad also comes along.
You don’t just leave when a relationship turns to the dark path. If you reach the level of maturity and understanding needed to have relationships, you’d know that you don’t just leave during challenging and dark times.
This is when you try even harder. The dark times test the strength and endurance of your relationship, to know if your relationship has what it takes to surpass the storms and hurricanes in your relationship.
Not all relationships are capable of overcoming the dark moments. Some relationships just flourish when everything goes the way they want, and when change is present, they choose to walk away and find someone else. However, they do the same pattern with each person.
You need to be both emotionally and mentally mature for the reason that if you are, you don’t just walk away when things get tough, If you know you’re ready for a relationship, it’s you and them against the world. You change accordingly as the person you’re with changes, and you have to accept that change even when it’s uncomfortable. If you’re lucky, they grow into someone better.
If you’re not so lucky, they stay stagnant and stop growing, and this is where you love them even harder- not to make them change, but because they need it the most. Relationships are more complicated than how it’s portrayed in the media. In fact, relationships seen in movies aren’t usually realistic. It’s just what people want to see in relationship, but it isn’t real- and that’s where people’s expectations of relationships come from.
For instance, you see in most movies that girl gets the boy who seems bad for her in every aspect, but he changes so that he can deserve her and everything works- until you realize this isn’t realistic, not even close. In real life, people don’t change that easily, especially for someone else.
The only way people change is through pain or when something traumatic happens to them. Otherwise, people stay stagnant. In relationships, people often make the mistake to love them harder and stay in relationships, i the hopes that they change into someone better. However, this doesn’t happen in relationships. As mentioned above, it’s not your responsibility to change or make him better.
Ultimately, people are responsible for their own personal growth at the end of the day. You can’t save someone from their own brokenness, and you can’t fix someone’s issues. You can’t save someone without being inflicting by the damages of their own brokenness in the process.
You may successfully make them better, but you may end up losing yourself in the process. Would you rather save them and lose yourself, or lose them but keep yourself? The smart choice would be the latter.
When you enter a relationship, make sure you have the security to handle all kinds of disagreements. Relationships, unlike the contrary, are serious and something you invest.
If you aren’t ready, you might end up choosing the wrong person, all because you’re desperate to have a relationship. Most likely, you’ll be able to feel it when they’re the right person for you.
Don’t date someone for all the wrong reasons, which is; money, status, symbol, and physical appearance. Instead, find someone is good for your mental health, and someone you have emotional and mental intimacy. Everything doesn’t have to be physical, you know?
The best relationships are the ones who you can be your complete and raw self, without the act of pretending to be someone you’re not. You need to find someone who’s not just your romantic partner, but who also acts as your best friend and a partner for life.
If you have the maturity for relationship, ultimately you’re dating this person with the intent of marriage and possibly spending the rest of your life with them. Of course, you wouldn’t want to invest all this time and effort into someone who you don’t think of being a significant part of your life and your future. Another reason you don’t just enter relationships for the sake of it is the tendency to casually date someone.
If you’re not ready for a relationship, you might go into casual dating or one night stands, which isn’t the best relationship to have if you’re serious about commitment, relationships and eventually, marriage.
Basically, you need to know for sure that you’re ready. Love isn’t something to be rushed. If anything, love is something you’re supposed to be patient and kind on- and you’ll see this even in the the most content relationships. If you’re in the right relationship, you’ll always be patient with them, even when things aren’t going your way and especially in conflict and disagreement.
If anything, patience, understanding and forgiveness is what makes a relationship last for a long period of time. By being a patient partner instead of someone temperamental, you avoid unnecessary arguments with them. Relationships are supposed to be the cause of peace and comfort after all. not the other way around.
In conclusion, relationships are beautiful and extraordinary, but it also isn’t the end of the world if you aren’t in one. There’s more to life than relationships and falling in love.
Some people are in marriages and they’re content, but some people are also single and content with that kind of life. No matter what, you need to be ready before entering a relationship.
Otherwise, you might cause more damage than good- both to yourself and to the person involved. If you enter a relationship ready, it’s guaranteed to be the most beautiful and eye-opening experience in your life.