What Are The Signs Of A Codependent Person?
Dating a codependent person is often difficult. When someone is codependent, they have a hard time making decisions in their relationship. They often find that it is not easy to understand what they want. They often feel that their feelings are misunderstood.
If you are a woman dating a man with codependent issues, you may find that he has a hard time communicating with you about how he feels. Perhaps you feel that you are often doing most of the talking. You may have a hard time figuring him out.
Instead of being your equal partner, he will often make you feel that he is looking up to you for approval. He may ask you if you think of him as being a good person. He may ask you what job he should take on. You may get the feeling that he is not sure of himself and depends on you most of the time for his decision making.
You may find that your boyfriend has low self esteem and hardly any motivation to better himself in life. He may feel that depending upon you for everything is for the best.
Your boyfriend may depend on you for money and if you are living together, to take care of the household. You may feel that you are his mother instead of his girlfriend/wife. Having a codependent guy on your hands often means that you are going to have to take charge in the relationship most of the time.
You may find that when you are taking care of him, you feel like you are his caretaker. It can be difficult for him to not rely on you for everything. A codependent person will also rely on you to always be there for them. You may find it difficult to hang out with your friends because he is always texting you when you are away. Perhaps he demands that you call him even if you are in the grocery store. He is often afraid of being left alone. You have become his world.
What Are Codependent Behaviors?
Some codependent behaviors that he can exhibit are making you feel that you must do something for him. Perhaps he is struggling to keep his weight down and asks you to always buy him McDonalds or another fast food. Perhaps he asks you to do things for him that you know are wrong. In a sense, you have become his enabler. Sometimes he may ask you to buy him alcohol because he is an alcoholic and cannot stop drinking. He makes you feel that you must do this for him if you love him. He wants you to prove your love to him repeatedly.
What Is A Codependent Relationship?
When there is poor communication in the relationship, it is often considered codependent. Often, he is not listening to what you are saying. You may tell him time and time again how you feel and yet he does not make you feel like you have worth. He listens to you but depends on you to not make him feel bad. He expects things to always be good or at least happy for the two of you.
You may notice that he has a poor image of himself. He may constantly ask you if he is handsome or masculine enough. He depends on you to tell him what he needs to hear constantly. You may feel that you are trapped because you cannot be your own person. He has become codependent on you.
Relationship stress does occur in codependent relationships because you always feel like you do not know if you are good enough. He often makes you feel that you are his caretaker and not partner. Even though you love him, you feel like you are more of his mother than a girlfriend/wife.
When a man depends on you for everything it can be toxic to your soul. When you step away from him, he makes you feel guilty. He often is a loner and feels that you are supposed to spend all your time with him.
What Is The Root Cause of Codependency?
When a child grows up with parents that punish them for expressing their emotions, they become codependent. He may have also been ignored for expressing his emotions. Perhaps he had parents that told him to be quiet because they were to busy to listen.
Kids often feel shame for having their feelings because someone is close to them is not willing to listen. This is often a parent.
Often, the young child will feel that they must depend on themselves to do the cooking or perhaps working an after-school job to pay for food and school clothes.
What Is Toxic Codependency?
If you are dating someone that makes you feel unsafe because they are depending on you so much, it can become toxic. You may feel that your world has been taken away. Your lover may be obsessed with you or perhaps making you feel that they cannot trust you. They may ask you questions like, “Who were you talking to on the phone last night? Another one of your boyfriends?” You may feel that he is always accusing you of doing something wrong when you know that you are leading an honest life.
Women often stay in toxic codependency relationships because they feel that there is no way out. Perhaps he has stalked or even threatened you if you leave. If you feel smothered, you may be in codependent relationship.
Do Codependents Really Love?
Codependency is not love. You should never feel like you must do something to win the love of the person that you are with. It is not good for either one of you. A codependent person will destroy the relationship because of their obsessive thoughts and wanting control in the relationship. Most women feel powerless in these kinds of relationships. However, it does not have to be this way.
It is important to seek out a counselor when you feel that you are in a codependent relationship. Sometimes you need someone else to tell you that you are with a codependent person because you may not even know it.
Love is respect and freedom. If someone says that they love you, it is because they are willing to give you the freedom that you need to grow as a person. You should never feel like you must take care of another person in the relationship. You are an equal partner in the relationship and not someone that is a caretaker.
Do Codependents Lack Empathy?
Yes, codependents are often referred to as being narcissistic. They are often self-absorbed and want to always do things their way. These types of guys are often all out for themselves and do not care much for other people’s feelings. They will often have an agenda and stick to it.
You may feel that he does not listen to you. Perhaps you have told him time and time again your thoughts and yet he does not hear you. He only cares that you do as he says and makes you feel that you are his entire world.
Are Codependents Manipulative?
Yes, codependents are manipulative. They are known to beat around the bush and get what they want. Perhaps they may say, “I really wish that you would buy me Chinese food on the way home. You used to get it for me, but now do not anymore. I hope its because you don’t love me anymore”. They try to make you feel guilty to get what they want. They have mastered a way to get you to do what they want by making you feel guilty.
Codependents will often blackmail you to get what they want as well. They may say, “If you don’t watch a movie with me tonight, I’m going to tell your family what you said about them.” They try to force you to do what they say by manipulation. This will often make you feel powerless.
Is There Hope For A Codependent Person?
Yes, codependents do have hope. They must seek out professional counseling and therapy. Many pastors are also equipped to answer questions about codependency.
It is important that you ask the codependent person in the relationship to work together with you to better the relationship. Without counseling, your relationship is most likely going to stay toxic. Only action can help you to get out of a codependent type of relationship. It can be hard to get out of a relationship like this, but certainly not impossible. Remember, millions of other women have dealt with their codependent relationship and you can to.
The worst thing that you can do is nothing. Sitting back and saying that nothing can be done is not going to help you. I encourage you to make an appointment today with a codependent counselor and get the help that you need.