When I was a child growing up in the 1970’s, my grandmother used to tell me that a husband and wife should never allow others to interfere with their marital problems. She said that it was best to keep your problems within the relationship.
Now in 2021, I believe that my grandmother is right. I watch the show 90 Day Fiancé on TLC every Sunday. Approximately two million people watch this show every week. It is one of the most successful reality TV shows in history.
The television show often has a story line in which the couples that are wanting to get married to a person overseas lets their families meet their potential future spouse. If all goes well with the couples, they will apply for a K-1 Visa that will allow a non-US citizen to apply for citizenship in the United States.
During the TV show, the couples will often argue about something going on in their relationship. Afterwards, they end up calling a family member about what happened. The character in the show will often blame the other person about mistreating them in some sort of way. Of course, the family members need to take sides on who is right and wrong.
Even though this is reality television, I see this happening in everyday life. Married couples will often bring their problems out in the open to be judged by family members and friends.
When a couple begins to complain about their spouse to family members and friends, it forces them to take sides. It is even worse that the family members start “bashing” the spouse in the relationship.
When the family gets together for a holiday, it creates and awkwardness because of bad things that were said. Eventually, family drama become a regular moment for the family.
The Example of Pedro and Chantel
How can the world forget about the characters Pedro and Chantel on 90 Day Fiancé? Chantel would often call up her mother or other family member and tell them how horrible Pedro is treating her. Her mother Karen was obsessed that Pedro was just out to get a green card and is using Chantel. The family drama on the show obviously created a lot of problems. This is great for entertainment. However, this is also a reality situation in “real life”.
Today, many families are breaking apart. Holidays are often full of everyone knowing one another’s business in love. However, is this good? According to my grandmother, this is a bad thing.
The reason why this is a bad situation is because it creates “hard feelings” between a husband and wife. If a husband is talking poorly about his wife to his family, they will end up disliking her.
If the wife says that her husband is upsetting her most of the time, that is all her family will remember about her husband. Family members often focus on the negative comments about a person and not the positive. Family members will often do this to protect their loved one against an outsider that they married.
My grandmother told me that people viewed marriage differently in the early part of the 20th century. She said that when someone got married, they stay wedded for life. She only heard of a couple of people that got a divorce. Therefore, a married partner would become part of the family forever. They were considered as an equal. It was no different if you grew up with the family or not. A married partner was like a blood relative.
Watch The Altercation Between Pedro And River:
In today’s world, a great majority of husbands and wives are telling their relationship problems to family members and friends. It is causing division and anger. It is not helping their relationship to grow and get better.
Unfortunately, many husbands and wives use gossiping about their relationship problems to vent out their frustrations. However, they fail to realize that they are causing their family and friends to dislike their spouse.
There is nothing worse than hearing about a husband that disrespects his wife or a wife that says that her husband does not listen to her. It is even worse when the couple gossips about it to get people to take their side. Building armies against one’s spouse is perhaps the worst choice that someone can do in any relationship.
If we look at the family of Pedro and Chantel, we can clearly see that the families do not get along. If Chantel and Pedro would have kept their problems within the relationship, their families would get along much better. The problem is that family members want to take sides. They will often take sides with their own family member that they grew up with. However, it will tear the family apart over time because of the painful words that are often used.
In the case of Pedro and Chantel, we can clearly see that Chantel’s family was convinced that Pedro was using her for a green card. In one incident, Chantel’s brother River got into a physical altercation with Pedro.
In real life, this happens a lot more than what families want to admit to the outside world. Violence is never a way to solve any problem. However, when anger builds up, people often want to physically fight to prove a point. In some instances, physical altercations can be fatal. It is important to never use violence to prove a point or to make someone change.
Since the bonds amongst family members are strong, they will want to take sides to defend the person that they have known for years. They want to show loyalty and family unity. However, it causes the spouse to feel like they are outside of the “circle of trust”.
My grandmother once told me that when a husband and wife bring other family members and friends into the marriage problems, it often creates anger and resentment with all those involved. She also said that that rage and resentment often never goes away. In fact, it causes “hard feelings” that are never forgotten. She said that if you need someone to vent to, talk to a pastor or counselor. They will keep your information safe and private.
In today’s world, many men and women are using the psychic hotline to vent out their frustrations. It is often not a bad thing because the caller never needs to reveal their identity. All that they must do is complain to the psychic about their marriage problems and then hang up the phone. Nobody has to know who is calling. The spouse is free from family gossip and anger pointed towards them.
The Case of Andre And Elizabeth
We also see family drama from Andre and Elizabeth from 90 Day Fiancé. When Elizabeth has a problem with her husband, she often runs to her family members to complain. Her family members take Elizabeth’s side and end up “hating” on Andre. Her family accuses him of using Elizabeth for a green card. Also, Andre and Elizabeth’s brother Charlie got into a physical altercation.
The more that Elizabeth complained about Andre, the more that her family became angry at him. Elizabeth reaches moments of extreme frustration with her husband. However, was running back to her family and gossiping about him the best solution to the problem? According to my grandmother, it was a poor choice. Now her family dislikes Andre and Elizabeth is not seeking a divorce. Unfortunately, there will always be hard feelings when Andre gets together with her family. He will dislike the way that they treated him, and they will dislike him because of what Elizabeth said about him.
Repairing the damage from Elizabeth’s gossip against her husband is not going to be an easy task. Unfortunately, a lot of damage has been done. Andre is not an angel by any means. However, keeping husband and wife issues between one another is necessary to make other family members like the person that they are married to.
Reality TV Shows Help Us In Real Life
Reality television shows like 90 Day Fiancé help married couples in their own lives. It is a glimpse into the future of one’s own life. If a husband and wife go down the same road as many characters on the show, then they will more than likely suffer the same fate. I have seen this trend in many instances myself.
Some men and women are always running back to their family every time that they have an argument with their spouse. Sometimes its over something small like not texting enough or not taking the garbage out.
It is important for married couples to find healthy solutions to venting out their frustrations. Marriage counseling and pastoral therapy often works for couples on learning how to communicate better.